i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's rum buckets o'clock
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
