I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I supernannyed him into submission
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
