And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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