just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
