A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
