awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
