I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
