May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
