just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Randomize