True but thats because hes a fetus.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
