I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
