What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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