I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
