Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
