What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
