I cannot find my penis.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
