This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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