the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
