All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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