I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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