I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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