so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize