he puts the penis in happiness.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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