It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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