worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
