its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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