I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
i think my cat just said my name.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
