Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I wish you could order shots online.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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