thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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