i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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