She's JV to your varsity
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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