i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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