remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
