I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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