I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We left an ass print on the piano.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
