In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Omg I joined a choir last night...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
