he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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