Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
