I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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