I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
