just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
