our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
