when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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