even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
