OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
