but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
