Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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