Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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