I hate your face
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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