I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
