That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
