How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
babies were throwing up all over the place
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
