we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
