if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
