we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
