How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
this is an emotional support booty call
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
