3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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