lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize