she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
