you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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