Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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