He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Randomize
