But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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