I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize