this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I have fence marks all over my body
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
