man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
