Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
