Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
