I think I am morally bankrupt
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
